❀ Let flowers grow on you ❀
February 20, 2014
Hello lovely reader,
i've been gone for a really long time, haven't I? Things are still bad and I just thought I write again. I've been pretty busy these past few months and think i'll be busier in the upcoming months.
Actually things are still pretty shitty but I felt a little bit "better". Why "better"?
Because I'm still sad but at the same time I'm okay, you know. Sad but in a positive way. I decided to be more positive and try to do my best. Try to be a better me and see the purpose in so many things. I want to be also a better person for others. Someone who can help, love, encourage and treat everybody so much better than I'm already doing. I changed school and I have to say, I would have never expected that Adolescent in my age would ever respect me so much. Like, wow. They treat me so well and every single one is nice to me. It may be because I often think I am worthless, but I felt so bad about it. I felt as if i don't deserve that kindness. I still ask myself what have I done for you to treat me like this? I didn't save anyone. I didn't do anything special. So..why? Of course I treat everybody who comes and goes good. But why should you treat me good? I've been thinking about so many things and have come to the point to which I don't want to think anymore. I just want to breathe and feel as if I'm free. Feel able to accept someones love and kindness, without always questioning it. To be able to live, not just to exist. "Maybe the only who is standing in the way is me. Maybe I should try to move on and leave things behind." But what if this is all meant to be and I'm not standing in the way? What if these are dark herbs which are growing on me and I cannot stop this? I'm trying to be a better me and try so reach happiness, but sadness has become my home. Why? It'd love to know why. Even if it's though I'm trying to do every option I could. "Remember that you still haven't tried everything against it." This is what one of my friend told me. Of course he's right. He's so right. Maybe what I'm doing is not enough. Maybe if I keep storming inside, beautiful flowers will grow. And I will know how it feels to live again, cause I have forgotten about it. Whoever you are and wherever you are; I hope you're feeling fine and had a good day.
Because I'm still sad but at the same time I'm okay, you know. Sad but in a positive way. I decided to be more positive and try to do my best. Try to be a better me and see the purpose in so many things. I want to be also a better person for others. Someone who can help, love, encourage and treat everybody so much better than I'm already doing. I changed school and I have to say, I would have never expected that Adolescent in my age would ever respect me so much. Like, wow. They treat me so well and every single one is nice to me. It may be because I often think I am worthless, but I felt so bad about it. I felt as if i don't deserve that kindness. I still ask myself what have I done for you to treat me like this? I didn't save anyone. I didn't do anything special. So..why? Of course I treat everybody who comes and goes good. But why should you treat me good? I've been thinking about so many things and have come to the point to which I don't want to think anymore. I just want to breathe and feel as if I'm free. Feel able to accept someones love and kindness, without always questioning it. To be able to live, not just to exist. "Maybe the only who is standing in the way is me. Maybe I should try to move on and leave things behind." But what if this is all meant to be and I'm not standing in the way? What if these are dark herbs which are growing on me and I cannot stop this? I'm trying to be a better me and try so reach happiness, but sadness has become my home. Why? It'd love to know why. Even if it's though I'm trying to do every option I could. "Remember that you still haven't tried everything against it." This is what one of my friend told me. Of course he's right. He's so right. Maybe what I'm doing is not enough. Maybe if I keep storming inside, beautiful flowers will grow. And I will know how it feels to live again, cause I have forgotten about it. Whoever you are and wherever you are; I hope you're feeling fine and had a good day.
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